i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Randomize
