Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
