I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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