Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
