someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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