the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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