it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize