she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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