I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize