I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize