I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
