whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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