evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Randomize
