ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
