the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
