so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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