Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need a beard to bite.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Someone signed my nipple.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
