There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
