you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
