girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Still dying that you shit outside
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
