I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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