My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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