i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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