I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize