His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
