your parents love me but you hate me
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
