I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
