hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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