He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
