Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
