TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
