Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
