Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I smell stomach acid.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
