I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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