For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
