I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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