BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
