It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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