I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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