piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
