Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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