Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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