Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
