I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
