Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
