Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
