mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
