rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
