btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sext me about skeletons
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
