My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
