I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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