If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
