He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
