i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
