Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
BRING THE BAGELS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
