I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
