Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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