dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize