Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
