Plan B is the new Plan A
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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