And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize