remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
