i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
