Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
