You can't special order awesome
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
