I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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