God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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