Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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