My room smells like vodka and shame
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
