I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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