Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
